Merry Christmas Eve Eve. Snow fell a few days ago, but it’s raining now, so the ground is covered in ice. How are you doing? I suppose some festivities are in order by now, at the very least Hanukkah each night. Every night I’ve wondered if your menorah is lit at the same time as mine.
Grandma arrived yesterday with the cat McKelvey (sic???) and Trooper the squirrel. I do not know if I’ve mentioned this by now, but her other cat, Mabel, passed on some time ago. She told me yesterday that we lost Cousin Trevor. Seven days younger than Mom (Jess), and died yesterday. I still do not know if we’ll attend the funeral. Mom grew up with Cousin Trevor, so I would not be surprised. I hear Grandma playing guitar and singing downstairs as she always likes to do. I hope she and Mom are alright.
The holidays are always the worst time of year for me, forgive the very Scrooge-like attitude. Each year I am sorely reminded of how very alone we are, each without one sister, one mother, and one half of an entire extended family. I am always lonely on Christmas especially, among the musical and movie(-cal?) declarations of the most wonderful, familial season. At least Grandma is here. Has anyone come to visit you? Now or in years past?
Forgive me, Soren, I am gloomy. My antidepressants seem to be taking a holiday. Trevor was Mom’s first cousin. I’m trying to remember if we even have first cousins; I can’t even remember, I think so, but who? Chris, John, Malcolm, Charles, Gia? How very apathetic that would sound upon anyone else. Have you put up the plastic tree? Mom (Jess) and I have all the ornaments, don’t we? I hope you have gotten more than the ones I remember on the plastic tree. How lonely and impersonal it could feel otherwise. I hope you’re more optimistic than I am, otherwise you’d be unhappy all the time with thoughts like that. Would you be happier if you forget Mom and I had lived entirely? I’d think most likely, but who would forget anything like that.
I’ll write to you tomorrow, dear Soren. I’ll send you a picture of the Christmas tree if I can remember to do so. And the day after I will tell you what I’ve gotten for Christmas and perhaps send pictures of the cats playing with wrappers. They always do that. It’s delightful. I leave you with that pleasant image.
With love,
Alice