It’s Friday the thirteenth. Spooky affairs are afoot. Nothing specifically unfortunate has happened to me yet, but I have a seminar this afternoon, so there is much opportunity. How are you doing?
Not too much has happened this week. I got a therapy appointment scheduled for a month from now, so I suppose that could work out well. Until then, hanging in there. I’ve finished some work, and I’m still haunted by the specter of deadlines. I am too busy to do much writing and drawing and too tired to when I’m not. Perhaps I should get into energy drinks (bad idea).
I’m feeling very inarticulate today, so I’ll tell you about something nice that happened. While I was walking back to my dorm one night a few days ago, I heard the campus’ choir in the distance, so I went to go sit outside of the chapel with a book. The night was lovely and so was the choir. It felt rather lonely somehow.
It’s becoming easier for Mom not to be here. It felt like a mother was leaving me again when it happened. I am still rather weary after it. Do you fear that as well? It feels like the most frightening thing in the world. I wish I knew what you were feeling. I wish I knew anything at all.
Have Nationals happened yet? If so, I hope you had fun, and if not, the same in future tense. Is it less worrisome to be competing with many others? There are less people looking at you in gymnastics, so I would guess so, but you did not care about that as much as I did. Whatever the case, I hope it is something to remember fondly.
I don’t know how to send this off, so I will do it straightforwardly. I miss you. Your absence is spectral and I feel it as something pressing in my chest. I will always wait here for you.
With love,
Alice