Hi!! I am home! How are you doing? How has Hanukkah been? We rewatched the Sesame Street episode about it and Adam Sandler’s song, per tradition. The flight went well, and surprisingly smoothly given I was by myself — I spent most of it listening to an audiobook about Franklin’s lost expedition (which would have been so ironic, had the plane crashed). They gave us all lunch and dinner, also tea and scones and a popsicle, which was much fun. Something quite interesting: somewhere near Greenland, the sun went down to the horizon, lingered there, then went right back up again.
I am so glad to be back home. I have slept so much and, though anxiety about assignments persist, my mental health is much better. But, of course, the darkness of winter continues to torment. Are you coping with the season well? Heaven knows Christmastime is melancholic regardless.
I’ve spent most of this week doing assignments and thinking about Franklin’s lost expedition. If I think about it hard enough, perhaps I can survive. I also went to a friend’s place and the staff party for camp, which were fun. Do you have any plans for Christmas? I suppose we never did besides open presents and play with presents. I found an old third-grade school journal of mine: it’s full of drawings of cats, ghosts, and fairies, and I write about going to Phoenix, and cacti, and if Fang could talk, what would she say, and what if she spoke Japanese instead of English. Do you miss it as desperately as I do? I often feel there’s nothing for me up the staircase of years, except to distract from killing myself. Maybe CBT will help.
Alas. I don’t really know what to say. I often say these in the mind that you’re not reading them at all, and thus your thoughts become an afterthought. I should say something cheerful — I won an Elf (the movie) mug at the staff party because I got the second-highest score at Elf trivia, and it had some powder for a mug cake inside. Won’t that be nice? I’ve been reading more lately — I finished the Franklin book in about five days, ridiculously quickly in my current state. Isn’t that a good thing? I immediately downloaded another; I must feel something passionate for my own sake, and if I feel it because of those boats, what can you do. Perhaps there’s my good message in this letter: find what makes you feel something good, and suck the marrow dry from it.
With love,
Alice
