How are you doing? July’s almost over, it seems. It went particularly quickly this year. I’m somewhat glad of it: it’s exhaustingly hot over here! There’s been no rain and few clouds for some time. I miss the cold! Is it warm over there? I’d presume so, but we watched the track competition, and it seemed overcast.
I’m not doing very well. I’m strangely exhausted and keep having nightmares. I’ve been prescribed a new antidepressant though, which I hope might help. If not, I might have to get into energy drinks or coffee. You liked coffee; do you still drink it? Mom (Mel) never took us to Starbucks; I hope she does for you sometimes. Although it’s rather shortsighted, I wish sometimes that I had a different mental illness that encouraged energy, like ADHD. It’s easy to envy fixations when you don’t enjoy anything at all anymore. But that’s enough of that.
Mom referred to trauma in a way I couldn’t understand awhile ago; she thinks I am dwelling on you and Mom (Mel). How is it something one could ever climb over, like a death? How is it something to forget? “Mom doesn’t love you” is worse than “Mom is dead” in many ways. I want to go home. I cannot climb over an affair such as this, as if it were a breakup, nor can someone will themself out of a coma. It doesn’t help that she dislikes therapy.
I’m sorry for dwelling again; I am not well. I hope you are well, but how could you be? If you are, then I hope to find whatever it is you have. I miss you. I’d do anything to turn back time.
With love,
Alice