The wheel of weeks keeps turning. How are you this week? I am thinking as I write this “What do I say to Soren? I am out of things to say to Soren (that are for decent conversation). That I am sad and mildly suicidal?” That’s not socially acceptable. But then again, I’m not socially acceptable in Eugene, so I suppose nothing I say is okay, so I might as well say anything. Here goes: I am sad and mildly suicidal. We did it.
I had a dream last night I was in a school (that was also a grocery store) going through the halls for fourth grade, where I passed Siena and Lyla in the halls. I went and came back for something, knowing you were around but not where, and scared someone would see me and think I was there for some bad reason. I saw Siena again in the bathroom but we didn’t speak, and I hid. I eventually fled the school with a jar of peanut butter (from the grocery store part). Last night I was screwing around on ancestry.com and found a picture of Pappy in high school from some documents attached to your tree. I started crying. Perhaps that set off the dream.
I finished a story I don’t think will see the light of day. I saw a criticism of Lovecraft’s writing style as antiquated by the standards of his time, incredibly florid, and overwritten. The same applies. I did not check myself in this story.
I got accepted to my favorite college choice, but there is still another that is much cheaper and just as good that I still do not like as much because it is very far away both physically and culturally. What do you think I should do? I don’t want to be selfish with money. Nobody has money anymore. One of the vanilla extracts at the grocery store I work at costs 28 dollars. I’d have to work about three hours to buy that little tincture of vanilla extract. If it’s unreasonable to buy it, why is a preferred college any better, opposed to the 2 dollar vanilla imitator I bought instead?
I’m agonizing at you again. Some good things: my friend got me a little plastic skateboard that my Steven Universe toy fits on very nicely. He can roll about. I’ve made more drawings than normal, though most are cartoons since they are faster than regular faces. I imported my favorite IbisPaint X digital art brush (the one shaped like stars) into the app I prefer to draw on (Procreate). We must try to take on the ideas of that one Sound of Music song occasionally. I have a locket/music box that plays that song. That’s another good thing. Enjoy the day, dear Soren. It is so quiet here.
With love,
Alice