Welcome back to the Thursday paradigm shift. I hope you’re doing okay. I’ve got a pit in my stomach about leaving tomorrow, but I’ll be fine. I’ve been listening to a podcast called Alice Isn’t Dead, and one of its quotes has soothed me. It went something like, “Fear is as common as hunger.” The protagonist is always traveling with external threats following her. I feel kinship.
Mom and I watched a documentary tonight. It’s called ‘Into the Fire: The Lost Daughter’, about a mother trying to catch her daughter’s adoptive father for the daughter’s murder. I found something very resonant in it, even if at times it’s not directly relatable in the sense that we experienced the events as described. Anger, fear, desolation, an unknowable dark hall of secrets. I can hear Mom recounting it too Aaron upstairs now. It got her talking a bit about Mom (Mel). She said she thinks the wives of serial killers always know deep down that something is wrong; and, she did not sense anything was wrong with Mom until she had you. I don’t know what to make of it. I don’t remember being 1 1/2. I doubt you could confirm or deny it. But I always want to know more about Mom, and if you are like me that way, maybe it will tell you something. You have more information than either Mom (Jess) and I. But you cannot trust us. So I suppose. I envy the objective truth that exists but isn’t knowable.
I don’t know where this is going. Aaron’s put on New Girl; that always throws my brain out the window. I love you. In terms of fun things, here’s some news: after I wrote last Friday, one of the neighbor’s chickens got stuck in our backyard somehow, and I watched Mom and Aaron try to herd her around with pizza boxes until Aaron got her over the fence again. It was very fun.
With love,
Alice