Since tomorrow’s Halloween, I’ll write to you tomorrow too. Happy October 30th! One of the most forgettable days of the year. What are you doing tomorrow? I have plans to play minecraft with this 8 year old I used to babysit in Seattle. His name’s Greg, he’s pretty neat. Then I’m gonna lounge around in a Tintin costume and eat unfinished candy from last year. Whatever you’re doing, it’ll hopefully be a little more eventful than my day. By the way, I still haven’t finished that portrait, because I am very lazy and pretty busy. I’m working on a thing for Halloween, however, and I’ll show you it tomorrow even if it’s not finished.
Mom says I love you. We’re watching The Amazing Race right now.
I had a dream with you in it last night. I was looking at the Google Earth version of that pool we used to go to (not Amazon, the other one, what was it called?) and I saw Mom (Mel) floating in the pool. I was then transported to the pool and I saw you there. I told you ‘I’m sorry’, because I thought you wouldn’t want to see me, but you were oblivious, as if it were still 2016 and nothing had happened. You were talking with your friends. I said ‘wherefore art thou..‘ instead of ‘why are you..’ (like a weirdo) but you didn’t seem to hear me. You looked so real in the dream, as if you were actually there, for the first time in four years. I’d never felt closer to lucid dreaming. When I eventually woke up, admittedly, I cried. It felt so real.
I hope you don’t find that creepy. I’m not sure whether it’s a blessing or curse to have dreams with you in them. On one hand, I get to see you again, in the least real use of the term, and on the other hand, it makes me very sad. I’m glad that I see you more than mom (Mel) at least. I always get terrified of her when I see her in dreams. Seeing her face fills me with anxiety, even though she was once such a normal presence.
I hope you’re well. I think this is the 6th Halloween I’ve been gone. For that, and everything else I couldn’t do, I’m sorry.
With love,
Alice